Wow, this is so powerful. I felt like I was reading myself in some parts because I could relate to many of your own experiences. I have not had the fortune of getting a mental health examination, but I can’t deny what I feel. With the right resources and timing some day, I hope to get some answers.
I also don’t tell anyone about my feelings. I’m withdrawn, reserved, and quiet because I tried to reach out a few times, but was practically dismissed. My foundation of trust was broken because of my mom and older sister. Like you, my only way to cope is to sometimes write on here.
Again, like you, I too am this successful womxn on the outside. I’m graduating college this summer; going to graduate school; I am close and interactive with my professors; I’m the nice girl in class who’s always super helpful…I’m basically what people would want to be. But like you said, no body really knows us. We’re high functioning people with a really dark mindset. No amount of praise will ever help heal what we’re going through.